If you just can’t see yourself going off on your own and living life on your terms, here is a great blueprint for a life of security. Since it’s the weekend, I wanted to post this because some people, believe it or not, are actually putting in some extra time at work this weekend. Are they being compensated for their extra time? No way. What is the price you put on time away from your family or favorite hobby? That is part of my “Security Blueprint.” I will be sharing just one step from this blurprint today.
Step One: Work Weekends - This is a surefire way to impress the boss. You will not accomplish one thing that you could not have done during the week but that doesn’t matter. Bosses love to see their slaves in the camp after hours. It gives the boss a sense of power that they can actually make another human being do something they don’t want to, as well as making you look good. Unfortunately, you look like a moron because you couldn’t get the job done in your normal 50 hour work week, but who cares - the boss doesn’t view it that way - remember, he’s a slave too.
In my former life, I would challenge the ‘working weekends” philosophy when I received my second managerial promotion. Prior to my promotion, we would bring employees in on Saturdays, buy bagels, doughnuts and coffee for them and then report back to the powers to be that we worked an extra day, which certainly translated to more production. Here was the reality. Everyone came in, ate all the food, socialized for a few hours, played online, pushed some paper, waited for any sign of the first person to leave and then jumped in their car and went home. How can you blame them, they just worked an entire week, who wants to come back on a Satrurday? Good news for them: free breakfast. Bad news for company: no production. I said “Uh, let’s just get more out of our regular work week and lose the weekends.” Most agreed, some old-timers were reluctant. Who cared really, as long as quotas were being met. After the dust settled, our prodcution was better and employees were happy to be with their families on the weekend.
Corporate Slave Tip: If you do go into the office on the weekend, be sure to send an email to someone. Emails are awesome because they are time stamped and verify you were in your hole working away. Be sure to copy as many upper level managers as possible on your emails. Is it brown-nosing? Absolutely. What the hell do you care? Get that email out first thing Saturday morning and copy everyone from your boss to the CEO’s wife on your correspondance. I’ve seen this done by slaves for years. I’ve had guys send me more emails on a Sunday than they did the previous week combined. I would always check the CC box and see every manager in the company on the list - awesome! The person sending the email looked like my old dog Petey when he found his bone I hid on him - seeking my approval - but again, who cares. Managers don’t care about what employees think, they care about what the boss thinks. And remember, the boss has been playing this game much longer, hence he is almost expecting weekend emails as he checks them on his Blackberry from his son’s soccer game.
I actually asked a manager who was a chronic weekend emailer this question “Why so many emails on Sunday? Don’t you want to see your family versus coming into the office to send emails?” His reply ” It’s no big deal, I had to come in anyway to get some work done .” Lord help us…
Now you may be thinking, all this weekend work is a pain. And you would be right. But look at it this way: You don’t have to go out on your own and actually do anything. You don’t have to be great or help anyone outside of yourself. All you have to do is look out for you and stay one step ahead of the boss. If the boss sees you emailing him like a new mate you found on a dating site, that’s all you need. All you have to do is keep the weekend stuff up until retirement and you are free to enjoy the worst years of your life after your back pain and arthritis sets in. You’ll have your pension (which isn’t worth half of what it should be) and your 401k ( which is indexed to the stock market - that’s safe) to get you through the next five years. Five years is all you’ll need because you are in the highest risk group there is: high stress, no exercise, coffee chugging, fast food eating slave to a job.
And there you have it - the ultimate Security Blueprint.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sam
www.EverydayIsSaturday.com